Friday, January 14, 2005

Sizing it up

Today while I was cleaning out my email inbox (current count: 788 messages, 4771 K, oldest message date: 8.28.03) I found an email from my friend Dana. Dana moved to Chicago last summer and started a blog about her life there. Because I'm a master procrastinator I had to spend about an hour reading lots of her old blog entries - very amusing. So I decided maybe I would try my hand at this format. I don't know if I'm up for sharing my personal life with the world, but I do think I've got some interesting stories to tell - the coming months will determine whether or not this is true.

Two weeks ago my dad bought a muzzle for our dog. He's only successfully bitten me once (summer 2003) but it was in the eyelid and when I opened my eye and saw through a haze of blood I got sort of scared. When I was in Vail for Christmas with my parents, Raleigh and I went for a walk and silly dog that he is, he broke his toenail on some ice. Note here: aren't dogs supposed to be designed to hold up better than that? Anyhow, he wouldn't let me anywhere near his toenail to fix it, so we all decided we should probably get a muzzle. If not for our personal safety, at least for our sanity, and so that we can help Raleigh out when he hurts his toes. The reason this muzzle story is interesting is the complete idiocy of the packaging of the muzzle - seriously, whoever designed the packaging had some real mental deficiencies, or at the very best, the person who designed the front of the packaging had no communication with the person who designed the back.

On the front it said:
Muzzle available in 8 different sizes.

On the back was the following list:
Size 0: 4" - 4 1/2" nose. Small dogs. Fits toy poodles, miniature dachshunds, yorkies, and similar sized breeds.
Size 1: 5" - 5 1/2" nose. Small-medium dogs. Fits dachshunds, jack russels, westies, whippets, and similar sized breeds.
Size 2: 5 1/2" - 5 3/4" nose. Medium dogs. Fits beagles, border collies, cocker spaniels, springers, and similar sized breeds.
Size 3: 7" - 7 1/2" nose. Medium-large dogs. Fits bull terriers, dobermans, german shepherds, labs, setters, and similar sized breeds.
Size 4: 9 1/2" - 10" nose. Large dogs. Fits danes, st. bernards, wolfhounds, and similar sized breeds.
Size 5: 8 1/2" - 9" nose. Giant dogs. Fits bull mastiffs, large boxers, rottweilers, and similar sized breeds.

Where to begin?? First of all, there are only 6 sizes described despite the 8 claimed on the front. Second, why would you start a numbering system with zero? Although I guess if you take inspiration from women's clothing sizes, size 0 does actually exist. At least they haven't gone the way of A&F and introduced a size 00 (aka. such a small person it would be hard to take them seriously). Third, what is going on with sizes 4 and 5? Why are the measurements for size 4 actually bigger than size 5 despite size 5 being described as giant? Also, most St. Bernard's I've seen are bigger than Rottweilers so I'm doubly confused. Anyhow, I was perplexed. I've never quite understood how something like that could get through multiple quality control people and actually be mass produced without someone suggesting that it didn't make any sense.


At 12:35 AM, January 18, 2005, Blogger AGS said...

This is hilarious.

Anne Cloudman: muckraker of the veteranary product world.

At 9:08 PM, January 18, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I bought one of those muzzles for my jack russel sized beagle (size 1) and it fit just fine but now she has wised up to the whole muzzle idea and it is now useless... guess who?? (How many psycho beagles are really out there anyway??)

At 10:14 PM, January 18, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think you should write them a letter, Anne. I'm going to write American Eagle a letter because they screwed me over on my holiday gift card. Why won't they give real change for a one dollar and twenty six cents balance? That's ridiculous. Barnes and Noble gives you cash for anything less than $5. American Eagle (a store I find very stupid in other ways too) is definitely getting a letter. As should your muzzle people.


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