Friday, January 28, 2005

Roasty Toasty!

This morning when I was standing with my left arm and half of my torso barely protected from the frigid temperatures and my entire right arm in the 101 degree rectum of a cow, I felt like I was living out the classic practical joke of putting an unsuspecting sleeping person's hands in bowls of hot and cold water to make them wet the bed. I must report, however, that having my hands in these environments of such disparate temperatures did not make me need to pee. Instead, the sensation I experienced was much more similar to the tingling reheating feeling that one experiences entering an overheated ski lodge after a few hours outside in the cold. Once my hand recovered some sensation, I was instructed to palpate the left kidney, rumen, ovaries, uterus and cervix (among other structures). Here's what I actually felt: warm mushiness. It was certainly a pleasant warm mushiness though and my right hand greatly appreciated the respite from the cold. The cow tried to poop out my arm a few times with some serious peristaltic contractions and my glove inflated and threatened to burst, but I forged onward. After further dutiful exploration I eventually felt... more warm mushiness! Apparently bovine rectal exams aren't one of my innate abilities - can't say I'm so sad about that. I did enjoy the roasty toasty rectum though.


At 6:02 PM, January 28, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

anne, this is hysterical


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