Sunday, February 11, 2007

Prospective Perspective

I guess when you like where you are, where you're going doesn't matter so much. In life or location, that is.

My tendency to plan is born of a distaste for the present mixed with a sense of the limited flexibility of the current situation. I don't recall being so preoccupied with the future at all during college - when I was mostly happy - and rarely during my first two years of veterinary school - when I was busy and not particularly distressed about my life situation. Then as I became progressively more and more frustrated with my life, my tendency to plan the future grew. Since four year degree programs and year long terms of indentured servitude don't lend themselves to much flexibility, I felt stuck. I feel stuck.

Planning is my way of dreaming, imagining optimistic outcomes, trying to make my real life resemble the life I'm hoping for. Planning that weekend a month from now makes those 30 days seem shorter. Planning that vacation in four or five months makes the end seem attainable. In my head, I see my real life creeping closer and closer. That life that everything else has been a prelude to. So in five months, when I'm bound only by whatever lease I've signed and employer I've agreed to work with, will I feel the same tendency to plan? I hope not. I want to sit back and enjoy it. I want life itself to be enough.


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