me re: my life

That's Not Dartmouth Green

It was my senior year, I think, that my friends dressed up as the Seven Deadly Sins for Halloween. It was very clever really. Ali wrote "Pride" backwards on her forehead, Chuki did Lust as only she could, Flo was gluttonous, Mara was green, Melinda was slothlike... etc, etc. I, for some reason, was not involved.

I don't know why this occurred to me today, but I realized I've been recently suffering from a plague of envy. Envy isn't a nice feeling. It breeds further dissatisfaction with life. So now I'm trying to figure out what to do about it.

The thing is this... Part of me wants to hear about the fun or interesting things that my family or boyfriend or friends do because I care about them and I like being involved in their lives. But that malcontent, envious part of me doesn't want to hear any of it. It listens to stories about fun parties or concerts or games or vacations and it rumbles. It tells the rest of my brain to think self-pitying, dark thoughts. Sometimes it says, "Look what you're missing out on" which doesn't just frustrate me, it makes me sad too. Then there's the stories that strangers or older role-models tell. The little green devil says, "You'll never have that."

Seriously I think I'd be much better off with a little red devil that told me to be lustful. Or a little lazy devil that told me to be sloth-like.

The envy monster is hard to shake.

posted by Anne @ 11:31 PM