Monday, September 05, 2005

Decisions, decisions

Making decisions about the future is like being wrapped up in a cozy warm blanket. Once I've made the decision and committed to it in spirit, I can't help but get excited about it. Even if the actual end result might not be what I anticipated (e.g. veterinary school), simply having security about the future is so comforting that I can persuade myself that I've made the right decision.

I've been away for two weeks and my brain has been in overdrive. I've ridden trains and metros. Walked for blocks upon blocks. Driven for miles. The whole time... thinking.

Thinking thinking thinking.

About next year. About next weekend. About the next decade. About the last three years.

As I expected, I came away with a plan. I always have a plan. Should I run screaming from my plan and really take a big risk? Will I? Probably not. Instead, I'll postpone it. I'll say, "After xyz, that's when I'll really branch out, try something new, live my life the way I've dreamed it." But as each future crossroads approaches, the path seems already demarcated and the potential fork in the road is set farther in the distance. But now, more than ever before, I'm aware of the presence of the fork... Maybe when I least expect it, I'll take the other trail.


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